Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
