ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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