I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
