how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
