If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
