Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
