I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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