somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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