I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
