either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
