My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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