who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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