Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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