you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
