i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
