Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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