You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
