who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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