A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rumble strips road head = magical
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
