apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
