come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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