You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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