Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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