I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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