I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
