i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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