we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
