this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
