dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
