What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
