He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
