Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
