i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize