wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
