Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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