just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
