She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
