first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
