it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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