I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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