I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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