I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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