ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
