a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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