I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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