9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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