do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
