I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
