I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
