also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
