I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
