Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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