you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
